Dear Climate Therapist: How do I handle climate denial in my own family?

Loyalty, boundaries, and the urge to change minds

Hi friends. There's a gut-punch of a question at the core of this week’s letter. One of our readers wrote in heartbroken by the way their conservative family dismisses the climate crisis as overblown, and that causes a really painful tension: do they stay in connection, or create distance for the sake of self-preservation? Resident climate-aware therapist Leslie Davenport doesn’t flinch from the grief or the fury. Her response is grounding, full of empathy, and packed with strategies for navigating the emotional minefield of division within families.

If you’ve ever felt torn between love and rage, or exhausted by the weight of trying to bridge the unbridgeable, this one’s for you.

Dear Climate Therapist,

I was raised in a deeply conservative family but was always taught that family bonds have to transcend politics. But what happens when the people I love are also the ones voting against our collective future and telling me that the climate crisis is just exaggerated (to use their words)? I don’t want to become so bitter and exhausted that I have to cut them off completely. But I also don’t want to spend my life pretending their choices don’t have consequences for me and my kids (and theirs). Some days, I think I should just move through life around them, focusing my energy anywhere else. Other days, I feel a responsibility to bring them in, to help them see what I see. But how? Facts don’t work. How do I balance my love for them with my fury and disappointment? And if they never change, how do I live with that?

- Drowning in Division

---

Dear Drowning in Division,

I’m so sorry you're going through this. It’s heartbreaking when the people we care about don’t understand or share the values that mean so much to us. This isn’t just a difference of opinion—it’s such a deep anguish when the divide is amplified by climate realities that threaten our collective future. When the foundation of love and support we grew up trusting lacks these essential connections later in life, it can feel as though the true meaning of family has been broken. The emotional toll this is taking on you is completely understandable, and it makes sense that you’re feeling bitter, disappointed, enraged, and drained. You’re navigating a lot right now, and I’m glad you recognize just how tough this situation is and have reached out.

You’ve already taken some big steps in defining your own values and dealing with the pain of separating from your family’s worldview. At this point, it might be helpful to remember that love and loyalty don’t always have to go hand in hand. You can still love your family while recognizing the painful differences and look for moments where genuine care still exists and can be expressed. I know it’s tough to do when they’re unwilling or unable to recognize the destructive forces changing our world. It’s tempting to find comfort through retreating (and taking breaks is really healthy). It’s not your responsibility to change them, and we also know that bridging divides and fostering connections can play a key role in healing our troubled world. If you choose to work toward more common ground, it may fulfill your longing to help them awaken to the climate crisis, but it will be difficult—there will continue to be conflicting emotions, slow progress, and uncertainty about where to start or if your efforts will lead to real change. But fueled by love, you may find it worthwhile if you make some adjustments that also support your heart and protect your energy.

One way to approach this is by stepping back and seeing them not just as family, but as "people" — individuals with their own struggles, personal histories, and experiences that influence their viewpoints. This doesn’t mean you're giving up on the bond of family or the hope of growing closer. It doesn’t mean accepting things like climate denial either. It simply means letting go of conditional love by acknowledging that everyone is navigating life's complex learning curve. Although challenging, it can also be liberating to hold the concept of family more loosely.

To help ease the tension between loyalty and distance, it could also be useful to set clear emotional, physical, and psychological boundaries. This way, you can continue to love them while also protecting your own energy. For example, you can set limits around certain conversations or behaviors, while still being fully yourself. This may include times of speaking your truth and expressing your emotions. And how you model qualities like presence, strength, and care—without compromising your values—can also have a powerful impact, as many of the most effective forms of communication are nonverbal. Feel into what seems like the right balance if you explore this and know you can always revise where and how you set boundaries.

The question then becomes: if you limit conversation about climate change, what does this mean for your desire to “help them see what I see?” I know your urge to open their eyes about the harsh realities we’re facing comes from deep care for your family and a passion for protecting life itself. One of the hardest, most painful truths we face is that, often, we can’t change other people’s beliefs. However, out of love, we can plant seeds for change and nurture their growth. Take time to listen and attune to them, looking for shared issues. Experiment with avoiding the charged language of climate change and see if it increases their receptivity. For example, would they be open to participating in local cleanups for parks, rivers, or beaches they personally enjoy – a start in understanding reciprocity and stewardship? You could also plan a family outing to enjoy a nature preserve or aquarium, where conservation is now often part of public messaging, without having to lead the conversation yourself.

The collective drive of working for transformative change might never come through your family relationships in the ways you wish for. For now, perhaps there's a way to meet them where they are—building bridges where you can—and find more peace with your family in this moment, knowing that shifts in perspective are still possible. Many unknown factors, along with your efforts, could influence them over time. This may help free up your energy for meaningful actions through other avenues while reducing the burden of family-triggered conflict within yourself.

You are clearly passionate about what’s happening to the world, but I also wonder if you have a support network of your own. When your family doesn’t understand or accept your beliefs, it’s especially important to find others who do. Look for friends, mentors, or communities that share or at least respect your values — they can provide much-needed support during this difficult time.

In community,

Leslie

---

If you liked reading this, feel free to click the ❤️button on this post so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏🏼.

‘Till next time!

>Britt

*Please note: This column offers thoughtful reflections and guidance from a climate-aware mental health perspective, but it’s not a substitute for personalized medical or psychological care. If you're struggling, we encourage you to seek support from a licensed therapist, counselor, or healthcare provider you trust. You don’t have to carry it all alone. For a list of climate-aware therapists and mental health resources, visit our Resource Hub here.